'Just' a Girl

This morning I read this article:

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and it really affected me. I have many goals and aspirations, I care about world issues and women's rights and yet, I find that I am constantly apologizing for myself. I am always including qualifiers in my sentences and speaking as if my goals are insignificant. By the way I speak and the things I say few people would identify me as a person of strong opinion or passion.

In my soul I have such ambition and so many plans for my life- education, family, career, and gospel-centered desires, and yet when I try to open my mouth... little comes out. What does come out rarely gives justice to the thoughts in my head. I have often been guilty of saying I am "just" a student, I "just" go to BYU, I am "just" single. I constantly hear women around me apologizing when they have an idea. As I sit and listen to discussions in my classes women are constantly saying "this is 'just' my opinion or 'just' my idea. I just want to get up and say "YOU ARE AWESOME!" and 'YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO HAVE AND SHARE IDEAS!" ...but I don't...because I am "just" a girl.

I have to say before I go on that I grew up in an amazing family that knew the value of a woman. Every Sunday dinner that I can remember has ended in a lively discussion on one topic or another and I was never made to feel that my opinion did not count. I grew up with a mother who stood as my role model. She had passions, she cared about the world, but most importantly she cared about her family. In my home, women were respected. My father set the example and my brothers followed. My parents encouraged me to work hard in school and reach for my dreams, whether that was science, engineering, English, sports, anything. I feel blessed to have been raised in such a home.

So why do I still feel this pressure to apologize for my ideas? Why am I still so hesitant to speak up? Those who know me or have talked to me know that I am soft-spoken. From a very young age I have always been more comfortable on the side rather than in the center. As someone who has a lot of ideas this is a very frustrating situation! In the end I am often so frustrated that I didn't say anything. I know that the things I have to say are of worth but I don't speak up.

I realize that I am a mosaic. My lack of verbal skills do not only stem from my society. Clearly not all women are quiet and many women have shared their thoughts which have changed the world. However, there still remains a trend in LDS women that they step back, that they don't say what is on their mind or what is in their heart. Their dreams and goals are not verbalized because of fear.

I also do not blame men. I support the priesthood fully and I do not blame my faith for my silence. I believe that God doesn't want His daughters to be silent. I have no desire to silence any man's voice either. "There is not a zero-sum game being played between men and women in which if women are elevated, then men are debased" (Husdon et al.) Both men and women were placed on the earth to give their thoughts, ideas and inspirations. Both are to blame if one or the other is silenced. Women, like men, have something worth saying and they deserve a voice.

I have been especially inspired this semester by one of my professors. She is one of the most influential and powerful mentors I have ever had as a student and has helped me to realize that I can reach my potential. My desires to change the world and help others are from God and are worthy goals. I know family comes first but I also know that in my life I will help others beyond my own family. She told me to stop apologizing for speaking up and to stop qualifying my thoughts. Through her I am slowly learning that there is a difference between being humble, being Christ-like, and being silent. Obedience and loyalty is different than blind submission. I want other LDS women to realize that their voice is important, vital even. God gives truth to both man and woman, he uses both as instruments in His hands.

And so, to finish, I am making a goal. I want to make it public so as to have all the people I love and know help remind me. I want to speak up! I want to share my opinions. I want to consecrate the talents, thoughts, ideas and inspirations that God has given me to help His children. So no, I am not 'just' a girl. I am a neuroscience major. I want to be a mother. I am a feminist. I have a strong desire to study, to learn and change peoples lives for the better. I am a GIRL and I am a daughter of God.

A Father's Care

As I rushed out the door this morning, running late and freezing cold, I look at my car and see my windows have been defrosted. My father had gone out into the cold and defrosted my car, knowing that I was running late. This is one of millions of acts of charity my father has given to me throughout my life. I always knew he was there for me. 

As this is my first post of my new blog I wish to dedicate it to something that I feel is of great importance. I wish to focus this on my gratitude for my own father and encourage fathers, future fathers and others to spend time with their children. Make sure they know you love them. I see too many fathers not giving time to their children and I want to share my view as a daughter of a father who always gave and rarely received. I have a father who doesn't only protects but pushes as well, encouraging me to find my passions in life and reach my potential. Growing up, I never realized that having a father who was always there for his children was a rarity. I never cared if our family was rich, I never cared about his prestige at his work, what I cared about as a child is that he was there. 

A love of learning was fostered in me from a young age. My father would wake me up early in the morning and take me running. Due to my aversion to the painful and often boring sport of running, my father would give me story problems to solve in order to distract my thoughts. He never did this to make me feel inadequate, but he did it lovingly so that my mind would develop and so that I would be able to analyze and explore the world around me. Figuring out these problems kept my mind busy and decreased the amount of complaints leaving my mouth. More importantly, however, these problems gave me a thirst for knowledge and until this day that love of learning remains.

As I grew older my interests and abilities changed and so did the questions. Added to the mathematical questions came science and history. During one of the many summers my family spent touring the museums of Europe, our family decided to stay in a mountainous city in Switzerland. One day we were hiking and most of my family grew tired and decided to return down the mountain. My father and I were still excited about the beauty around us and chose to continue our hike. We were surrounded by blooming mountain flowers, waterfalls, Swiss cows, and mountain wildlife. My father, always hoping to improve my mind, began again to ask me challenging math and science questions as we traversed across the mountain. This continued for hours until the rain came and we returned home. No matter the surroundings, my father was always eager to increase my knowledge.

My father continues to be a guiding influence in my life.  However, for most of my youth I was blind to the effort and sacrifice he willingly gave to allow his children to grow and excel. He gave up his career and his hopes of progression in his field to give attention to his family. He supported my mother's passion for teaching and allowed her to continue with her career by ensuring the protection and care of their children. In return for his selfless sacrifices, my father received many eye-rolls, slammed doors and sometimes harsh words of frustration. He is one of the most charitable men I have ever met and exemplifies to me how our Heavenly Father feels about us. Like my earthly father, our Heavenly Father gives us challenges, experiences and trials to help us learn and progress. "He loves us. He weeps with us when we suffer and rejoices when we do what is right" (Preach My Gospel pg. 31). Fathers, remember the perfect example our Heavenly Father gives to us. Love your sons and daughters as He would love them. Helping them develop their creativity, their passions, their testimonies takes time, effort and love. 

My father's hand was always present in my life, guiding me at first and then waiting to catch me if I fell. He fostered in me a unique love for learning that has continued to influence me throughout my life. Through his sacrifices, I have been able to excel and progress. He shows a love that our Eternal Father has for each of His children. My loving father's care has shaped my life and for that I will be eternally grateful.